#10 When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold

The album When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold by Atmosphere is fantastic. I had listened to bits of pieces of Atmosphere before this album and had neutral feelings. When the song "Painting" from When Life Gives You Lemons came on the radio one day last summer, I bought the CD and listened to it on repeat to the border line of obsession.

Atmosphere is a rap group from Minneapolis made up of rapper Slug and producer Ant. When Life Gives You Lemons is their most recent album, released in 2008. Their songs on this album are mostly of stories about people, real or fictional. Their earlier albums include Overcast!, Lucy Ford, God Loves Ugly, and You Can't Imagine How Much Fun We're Having. Their lyrics are often characterized by heavy references to Minneapolis and an introspective style.

When I find new music to listen to, I look for good rhythm and a unique tune rather than meaningful lyrics. This album has all three. Atmosphere is the first rap group that I have loved. I listen to The Streets every now and then, but mostly to giggle at their posh British accents. When Life Gives You Lemons has songs that make you want to dance, cry, and beat someone up.

One of my favorite songs on this album is "You". It has a rhythm that can accommodate for any sort of dance and a chorus that sticks in my head and makes me want to go confront someone while still maintaining a fun sway, swing, and twist.

The song "Dreamer" is one of the most depressing I've heard. Atmosphere conveys the story with angry beats and when I listen, all I can do is clench my fists and grit my teeth at no one in particular. As Slug says, "Sometimes you just gotta say 'fuck you'." When I listen to this song, I want kick someone's ass.

Atmosphere takes all their anger, pain, and sense of humor and creates tracks with undeniably great beats. Each of their songs is unique and demands your attention and the bopping of your head. They spare nothing in their lyrics and give it to you raw.

Teen pregnancies? Death? Shame? Pimps and whores? Unhealthy relationships? Minneapolis? This album covers it all with a voice of irony and bitter sarcasm while still keeping it very real.

Many mainstream rappers such as 50 Cent give rap a bad reputation, but everyone should listen to Atmosphere and understand that rap is not all about guns, cars, and the portrayal of women as sexual objects.

5 out of 5 stars.

#9 Donnie Darko

Details in script:
All the students are in uniform. The teacher, Ms. Farmer, is not. There's a chalkboard in the front of the classroom to use for the lesson. Most of the students are slouching. The room has cheesy decorations. Donnie reads a situation from a card. Donnie's father seems proud of Donnie for telling off Ms. Farmer. The principal is in a suit. The principal has a bunch of knickknacks on his desk, including a Jim Cunningham magazine.

Details added later:
Ms. Farmer's voice is shrill. Donnie reads through his card quickly. Donnie advances towards Ms. Farmer in a slightly intimidating way. Some of the students make eye contact when Donnie refuses to do the assignment. Donnie's tone is angry. Donnie uses hand gestures. The principal's tone is tired and exasperated. Donnie's father starts laughing, but covers it up with a cough. Donnie's expression is smug as he walks out of the principal's office. The situation cards have silly cartoons on them.

#8 Haiku WHAT!

Oberst yells something
It's destination music
I can't stop bouncing

Over and over
Morning and afternoon both
I know all the words

I'm never tired
I should change the CD soon
But I'm not done yet

#7 Earth Calling

Only 7 months until June, and you know what that means! UFO day is almost here!

Families all across the world will camp out in their backyards for this sacred event. Small children will paint their faces green and speak in their newly created space-languages. Heck, adults do it too! If can't decipher the language then you're obviously an alien and not allowed by our campfire.

Everyone will roll out their sleeping bags outside and stare at the sky with binoculars or a telescope, searching for UFOs. Whoever gets the most sightings wins! Close encounters of the third kind? Even better! Abduction? Great! Who could ask for more?

Those who don't enjoy the outdoors (which wouldn't happen in Minnesota--we love mosquitoes) can stay inside and watch space-themed movies such as Alien, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Star Wars, and Lilo and Stitch for the tykes.

Traditional decorations include tin foil. EVERYWHERE. There are tin foil sculpting contests across the world to create cool stuff with tin foil. Aluminum foil is also acceptable. Last year, the winner created a five-story tall sculpture of a T-Rex.

Join the world for the coolest holiday of the year! Don't forget your tin foil hat! I leave you with this: splargamelov. (Don't know what that means? That can only mean that you are an INVADER! GET OUT! LEAVE MY PLANET!)

#6 Bigote

Clowns are now outlawed.

Clowns do nothing for the world besides being a consistent source for nightmares. Their reason for existence is questionable. They're freaky. Therefore, being a clown is punishable by law.
If you were once a clown, it is okay to keep the nose to remind yourself of those fond memories of making animals out of balloons and then swallowing the children you give them to. If someone is seen in public in any clown attire, however, we'll get our boys out there to taser his or her ass. They will then be deported to Clown Island where they can be with the other clown people. And no one else. Yay!
Our society will function perfectly well without clowns. I can't imagine a situation when someone will remark, "Damn, remember clowns? I miss those guys!" Our children will be able to go to each other's 5th birthday parties without fear. The circus will be a safe(er) place. McDonald's will get more business. We can replace the mascot with, say...an orangutan, for example. Everyone loves an orangutan in their fluffy, orange goodness.

#5

The beast, known as the Wallyhoff, is fourteen feet long. It has a triangular snout and moves by slithering. It has 10 legs, which the Wallyhoff retracts when it needs to get somewhere quickly. Its natural habitat is in a dark, wet basement where it feeds on mice, centipedes, and the neighbor children who try to get in. No one knows its exact color because it scurries away when the light is turned on, but it is guessed to be a dark blue, purple, or red.The Wallyhoff perceives all visitors to be threatening. It is very loyal and has been reported to attacking a visitor when they ate the last cookie. It expresses its disapproval by biting the violator in the neck. The Wallyhoff dedicates itself to having no friends other than the owners of its basement. When happy, which means it has feasted, the Wallyhoff enjoys a nice nap and treats itself to some dust bunnies. Upon waking, the Wallyhoff yawns like a happy zombie. Because zombies yawn, dammit. The Wallyhoff has really bad breath and probably hates you. At least, mine does.

#4 Advertisement

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